Review: Harry Potter and The Woman in Black

Quick question, what scares you? Is it something classic like bugs, spiders or snakes? Something more abstract like failure? Or maybe you’re still haunted by the time you saw mommy and daddy “wrestling” in their room.

Well, hopefully it’s not windows, toys, or children, otherwise “The Woman in Black” is going to terrify you.

AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!

It’s hard to pinpoint where exactly this movie goes wrong. The acting isn’t bad, actually Daniel Radcliffe is relatively solid. It’s not the writing, which, though not Orwellian, is passable for a film of this genre. Honestly the worst part about this film is the pacing and the editing, both of which are so jarring that they rob the film of any real tension or drama.

“Oh glass, no one can know of our forbidden love.”

“The Woman in Black” also languishes under the delusion that well-dressed little girls are scary, because … I dunno, hygiene?

Pictured: The last time little girls were scary.

The movie also suffers from a lack of consistent tone. 99 percent of the film is a morose broodfest that is more sultry than scary, but it tries its darndest to have an uplifting ending. Yeah … it doesn’t work out.

And it’s about as subtle as this.

Radcliffe plays Arthur Kipps, an employee at a law firm who is sent to the Eel Marsh House to try and settle the affairs of the late owner so the house can be sold. If that sounds like the plot to any horror movie featuring a haunted or possessed house, it’s because it kind of is.

Now that’s not to say the movie is completely unoriginal, after all, it decides to make Kibbs a widower, who is trying to do right by his son. That’s super edgy and original … right?

Basically from there, it’s exactly what you would expect. The house is in a small town where the people are distrustful of outsiders, ones who blame Radcliffe for all of their problems since, you know, that’s logical. As a quick aside, though, it’s a shame that Radcliffe has been typecast as a pasty man who constantly travels throughout England by train.

I don’t want to get too much into the plot of the movie, one, because it’s a relatively new release and I don’t want to spoil anything, and two, because there’s not much plot to be had. Seriously, three-fourths of the movie is Radcliffe looking around wildly for the source of some strange bump in the night.

Thus.

Now to be fair, the movie isn’t terrible, but it has the unfortunate distinction of being too bad to be good, and too competent to be funny. But I’m sorry, any movie that elicits laughs at any of its … ahem … tense moments isn’t worth paying upwards of $10 to see.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s